The following post contains a collection of personal journal entries written from June 2017 to September 2017
June 2017
June 21st, 2017
I thought I didn’t like the idea of companionship, but I can’t help thinking about how lovely it would be to have a man beside me in this moment. I am at peace with the world but it’s no fun without someone to share it with.
I’m not looking to make or become someone else’s happiness; nor am I expecting anyone to fulfill me. I simply crave to combine a mutual contentness, forming an ultimate comfortable, positive, intimate feeling / state of being.
Man, I’m just spewing hippie BS.
June 24th, 2017
“If not now, when?” is a phrase I think I’ve been living by for awhile without ever really appreciating what it truly means. If not now, when?
June 25th, 2017
Am I melodramatic to salivate over this idea of freedom? This idea of an, “THEN EVERYBODY CLAPPED” kind of tomorrow. A tomorrow where we are as equal and as innocent as our hobby. I patiently (yet eagely) await the I no longer have to work by table lamp, cloaked in candles bought by archaic past-selves.
I guess what I’m tryna say is; much like the beauty mark on the side of my ass (wait, is it hip or bum???), this borderline-obnixous Lemon Lavendar candle I bought at 14 is here to stay. Blehhhhh weaken this candle.
June 26th, 2017
…articles. Nope, that sentence got totally pretzel’d, bro.
—
My nose is so large,
It’s visually obstructive,
(sniffle) (sniffle) (sniffle) ha.
^ Meme haiku. (2.5/10)
June 28th, 2017
I believe math is proof humans are very bored & naturally obsessed with trying ot invent a purpose for their potentially “pointless” life.
I love math. I also love journalism. I think I should minor in it.
Hmm.
June 29th, 2017
I feel like… I don’t understand how anyone could be addicted to someone. I mean, I get the science. It’s all about our inner dopamine fiend. I’m in awe of the romanticism, especially in John Lennon & Yoko Ono’s version of love.
I feel love – the love for my family, the love for the universe, the love for knowledge, the love for control, the love for happiness, the love for normalcy, the love for all that are young, the love for all that are attractive, the love for nature, the love for art, the love for money, etc… But I’m still skeptical about the idea of this whole “in-love” thing.
June 30th, 2017
Do we find certain colors ugly because we are told so, or do we find them visually unattractive on our own? Do we have any original thoughts at all?
July 2017
July 9th, 2017
Abandon all that isn’t tangible; if you can’t feel it when someone tells you they love you, let them go.
Don’t go looking for love (intimate or not). Be happy with the love that already exists in your life.
July 11th, 2017
Here comes the sun do-do-do-do!
I really don’t even re-read these “entries”, I just like seeing the little doodles.
Arrogantly assuming someone else will read this someday, I hope they view this book the same.
Will I always chase eudaemonism?
July 13th, 2017
A pool of blood began to mock me as I finished fishing the ash-covered toothpick out from beneath my foremost layers of skin. I had no idea my stomach was such an acrobat.
Ow!
July 14th, 2017
Wow. In less than 24 hours I’ve got a pretty professional looking photography site under a whole new identity. You’d never even know.
Trippy!
July 15th, 2017
Sleeping from 8pm to 3am is definitely one of my most interesting sleep cycles / schedules. It also may be the most conducive to my needs; time to get work done but still go out, spend time with family, etc…
P/S: Found spider of at least toddler development in my sock drawer yesterday. Still pretending it’s not there.
Coffee breaks are a requirement; they are a fundamental part of what it means to be alive.
“If life feels like you’re swimming upstream, you’re going the wrong way.”
July 16th, 2017
Don’t worry – I made sure to hiss at any potential spiders that could’ve hitched a ride on my notebook before picking it up.
July 25th, 2017
While studying, a glance towards the date set my body in stone – perhaps a thrill-overload (though much more likely to have been a brief reality check). School starts in about a month. Hell, my orientation is next week! How crazy is that?
Between paying my tuition, giving home to a new wardrobe, submitting my first Blogmutt invoice, and already generating 80¢ through Google Adsense, I don’t think I could feel any more grateful. It is, however, a much grander blessing to be surrounded ONLY by people who truly love & care about you.
Don’t worry, I knocked on wood. I’m just happy.
“I should build a tiny device that only plays music.”
July 26th, 2017
Haha, I kid. I’m silly
VAGUELY WHAT I LOOK LIKE, PROBABLY ->
Aim to lose yourself in others.
Conversations can’t be carried by guarded tongues and sealed lips.
You can’t hear with your mouth open.
You can’t hear over an oral orchestra.
Hahahahahaha, that expression is supposed to mean you can’t listen if you’re speaking but I lost it in translation.
It doesn’t pay to be cheap.
July 29th, 2017
Dark matter doesn’t matter.
August 2017
August 8th, 2017
Orientation introduced me to a much-needed new perspective. -> Everyone in my age group is still a kid! They’re quiet, shy, awkward. It’s endearing and relieving. I was under the impression that community college would be for the working-class; kids who couldn’t afford university, moms finishing their degrees. I assumed I’d be the little kid in the bunch – nope!
Hahaha, they were so shy, they looked at me like I had two heads for simply being polite!
Before I tap a hole through the floor I’m just gonna spit it out “I MET A BOY!” He’s clean, calm, fashionable, interesting -> don’t forget cute. I don’t know why, I just felt so comfortable around him. I was nervous but talking still came so easy. I loved it when he chuckled or muttered “shit!” I liked standing next to him, when our elbows touched, when he sat next to me. I almost had to resist the urge to reach out and grab his hand or something, hahaha. I have a feeling we’ll be great friends. I’m so glad we exchanged numbers. I’m so glad I talked to him.
Lool, I get wayyy too excited about everything – forgot boys fall under “everything”, too.
I’m a goof, ha.
August 9th, 2017
I can’t wait to fill my lungs with Oregon air. I can’t wait to make the roads my bitch. I can’t wait to meet the locals. I am blessed and eternally grateful for this trip. I know we’ll go on many more adventures.
August 10th, 2017
I love to swim. I love it so much – no shame! I don’t care how (I mean, assuming I do) silly I look!
YEEHAW!
Uhh, I’d draw cowboy guns, but maybe I shouldn’t.
I JUST DOUBLE TXT, THREW MY HANDS INTO THE AIR & SAID “FUCK IT!”
Yo, fuck my friends for embedding all this texting anxiety into my head.
I SHOULDN’T HAVE DOUBLE TXT
I SHOULDN’T CARE
FUCK
HAHAHAHAHA- I’m silly.
August 12th, 2017
Ma says I was asked out on a date. I’m not convinced.
->* Kylie Jenner is stuck in Internet Hell, too.
August 16th, 2017
I’m kinda like a hamster, if you think about it hard enough.
August 27th, 2017
I’ll miss you for 20 minutes
While I’m
Over the moon
– I’m in charge these days
Unless
It’s just an illusion
I guess
It’s just an illusion
I’m sure
It’s just an illusion
– Am I a captain? Your skipper?
Shall we swim, forbid we sink,
Shall we swim? Let us swim!
Shall we swim? Let us swim!
Shall we swim? We have sam!
We are free! We are free!
We are free as can be,
and the timing’s just right!
We are free as can be
Oh what a delight!
That’s another thing; names. Lov ’em, especially surnames. Don’t care if ya remember either of mine, I’ll definitely keep note of yours. I take great pride in my business card collection.
August 28th, 2017
Fuck, I totally talked his ear off about irrelevant crap ’cause I like him! Shiiit.
He didn’t mind, right?
Hahahaha….
I don’t need to know any other boys,
‘Cause I know you,
Doesn’t really matter if they think I’m cool,
‘Cause I know you,
Or at least I’d really like to get to know to!
Oh yes, I’d like to get to know you!
September
September 3rd, 2017
It is our God given right as living beings to exist. To convince someone otherwise is beyond cruel.
September 8th, 2017
I fell asleep under the sun’s embrace at a picnic table after class. Nobody seemed to mind my Pink Floyd; we were all in our own worlds.
September 16th, 2017
I’m overly sentimental,
Faulty sediment, elludin’ false confidence,
Come again?
Gentleman,
Gentle man,
Gentleman with the beautiful hands,
Am I more than a friend?
Come again come again now!
Am I more than a friend?
How could I determine?
Guess It’s kind of a sin,
My white flag is wavin’
September 17th, 2017
Perhaps these childhood psych textbooks that suggest the developing mind needs constant positive reinforcement have it a bit backwards; perhaps it is the adults in societ that crave attention, projecting onto younglings, breeding codependent, directionless softies.
I can’t even tell which is my dominant hand, how am I ever supposed to learn how to make decisions in life.
I do not like the smell of latex-free gloves.
Maybe love is just a form of fear, anxiety.